They do it in moderation

by Bryan Hemming

After a few years of not being able to distinguish ‘moderate rebels’ from extreme terrorists in Syria to the point of funding, arming and training members of Al Qaeda, the US decides to criticise Russia for not distinguishing between ‘moderate rebels’ and extreme terrorists in their bombing campaign. Perhaps the US should supply them with a list of names and addresses.

After all, they should know where they live; they vetted them. Can’t be that hard. Last count they numbered four or five, according to official US government sources. You could squeeze most of the details on the back of a fag packet using tiny letters. One might’ve popped out for a cup of tea when the list was compiled, as US intelligence doesn’t seem too sure about the exact number.

It was definitely four or five, to be exact. Anyhow, popping out for cups of tea is exactly the sort of behaviour you’d expect from moderate rebels. They don’t hack people’s heads off, they help old ladies cross roads, and look after people’s children, when asked. I expect we’ll soon hear of moderate serial killers, moderate drug barons, moderate rapists and moderate suicide bombers. They just kill, rape and pillage in moderation.

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