Elbow Markcaroney

What is it with these people charged with creating campaign slogans? They obviously reached the point of drunken desperation late into the wee hours to have come up with this latest one for Canada’s Mark Carney. I cringe to tell you but it is “Elbows up.”

They had to have been completely past the point of rational to think that people would catch on to sticking their elbows up in the air as some sort of rallying gesture. Good heavens! They look like deranged ducks in a tizzy.

As a Canadian I do feel like I have to apologize to the world for subjecting anyone to witnessing such cringeworthy behaviours. We didn’t get to vote on that one. Well… on a lot of things, but that is beside the point.

I mean I do have some sympathy for the poor bastards charged with such an onerous task of creating public campaigns. They were told no doubt to make a slogan that was Canadian at its core to whip up patriotism so we’d all eventually be united and be rah rah rah for conscription to fight some rich man’s war.

After all the divisiveness these last ten years the solution obviously was a unifying uplifting patriotic slogan to make us forget this lost decade. Beavers are out because, well… you know. Maple Syrup was out because they’d already labelled the opposition leader a Maple Syrup Maga and they wouldn’t want to remind people of their conservative opposition. So hockey it was. Likely in an effort to entice all the people they’d alienated in the last 10 years.

I suppose they had no idea how far askew the whole thing would go. They sent Carney off to Alberta to play hockey for a minute. They all wore baseball caps, no doubt because they couldn’t find a helmet to fit the poor man’s head. Then they left the net wide open for him to do a photo op score. And. He. Missed. Which is why the phrase “net zero” has become popular these days. I tell no lie.

And then, as if the slogan wasn’t bad enough they had to explain it to us by hiring Mike Myers, our beloved antique comedian to talk awkwardly with Mr. Carney about elbows up and all that. Oh dear Gawd. Did I apologize yet? I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. These sloganeers were drunk and desperate. The bunch of them. They had to have been. There can be no other explanation.

And then they did one of the first photoshoots in front of their poster on a wall outside… well… let us just say that they seemed to have not noticed the pee pee stains. (I couldn’t think of an eloquent way to say that. The word pee pee is kind of funny all on its own though wouldn’t you say? When talking about grown humans anyway, And especially grown humans hell bent on attention seeking.)

Apparently waving elbows is a hockey term used to imply protect and fight or something. Only hockey players care. They are, in all honesty, the only humans in the world who can stick their elbows up in the air with any sense of dignity and credulity. Everybody else… nah. Not a happening thing unless you’re dancing.

And I suppose dancing is a political kind of thing. You can almost see how they came up with the slogan when you look at it that way. I shouldn’t be so hard on these sloganeers maybe. Dancing around answering questions is a particularly common sight these days at press conferences and stuff. That is something I’ll never quite understand. Why don’t these politicians simply answer the questions. It’s not hard. Tell the truth. Eh? Just stick your elbows up in the air and tell the truth.

Sigh.

Here’s an ear worm…

Sylvia Shawcross is a writer from Canada. Visit her SubStack if you’re so inclined.

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