Believe it or not: The true story of the Crimea blackout

The Tatar Diogenes in the blown up power pole promises to sit to the death.

Sputnik Pogrom writes:

Yes, it’s still incredible. This can not happen, but here it is:

1. Crimean Tatar activists organize a “civilian food blockade of the occupied Crimea” (where around 90% of the existing Crimean Tatars reside). According to Crimean Tatar activists, deprived of Ukrainian food, water and alcohol, the Russian-occupied Crimean population would experience a sudden rush of love for Ukraine and would overthrow the Moskal occupiers, raising yellow and blue flags in grocery stores, pubs and stalls.

2. Someone timidly tries to tell the activists that Crimea is surrounded on three sides by water, with Kuban [Ukrainian region adjacent to Crimea, with a minority Tatar population] on the right and Turkey at the bottom, and famine in such conditions is absolutely impossible to organize. The maximum you can achieve is the substitution of products of the Ukrainian Kuban by Turkish ones. The activists ignore the pitiful sobs of the panicked occupants, and citizens continue having glorious Crimea Blockade parties. Solemn music is played while Turkish vegetables and fruits are unloaded in the ports of Crimea.

3. Russia announces the introduction of a food embargo against Ukraine from 1 January 2016. Now Ukrainian products will not be allowed to enter Crimea, not only by Ukrainian civilian bollards but by Russian border guards too. If a Ukrainian food embargo is going on by the other side, blocking the border becomes decidedly silly and the situation begins to resemble a joke. Something needs to be done urgently. But what?

4. Idea! “Unknown persons” blow up two of the four transmission towers through which Ukraine supplies electricity to Crimea. When the repairmen arrive, they are met by the same Crimean Tatar activists, who solemnly declare that, due to force majeure, the blockade of food is changed to energy. Let the Crimean Tatars sit without lights, they will feel the brunt of Russian occupation as they reminisce about their lamp bulbs burned by Ukrainian authorities!

5. To help the confused repairmen, along comes a detachment of 50 national guardsmen with machine guns, led by Ilya Kiva (who is actually the head of the Department for Counteraction of Narcocrime — apparently after receiving reports from the field, the Ukrainian interior Ministry decided that without heavy drug use this could not have happened). Not minimally embarrassed by men with guns, the Crimean Tatars and their supporting pravoseki [Right Sector militants] naturally begin to fight with the national guardsmen by shouting that the totalitarian Poroshenko regime infringes upon the constitutional right of civil society in Ukraine to blow up power lines, and in general asking, are you going shoot people? (in this case people in camouflage uniforms, helmets, flak jackets and an unknown amount of explosives).

6. In the ensuing scuffle, a Colonel of the Interior Ministry of Ukraine was knifed in the gut by one of the civilian blockers. One of the activists pretends to having been blown up into the pylon, settling there, like Diogenes in a barrel, lecturing the gathered press about European integration, the occupation and Stalin’s repressions of the Crimean Tatars, the continuation of which is happening right here and now in the form of the unconstitutional prohibition of the right of the Crimean Tatar people to blow up power lines. Someone mildly beaten up is seen in the background. He moans about “the children”, meaning armed national guardsmen armed to the teeth in Islamic masks or gray-haired gentlemen in camouflage — so it’s absolutely impossible to know what he is talking about. The Tatar Diogenes in the blown up power pole promises to sit to the death, if only other Tatars have no lights. It’s like the Brest fortress against the Nazis, only it’s a blown up power transmission tower against the repairmen.

7. In any case, the new Europeans blow up the two remaining electric pylons, completely de-energizing Crimea. In social media there is a barrage of hysteria: “Kiva trampled the remains of his reputation, meanly attacking civil society activists peacefully defending the electric power system of Ukraine”. The abuse had already started with the knife stabbed in the gut of a Colonel of the Ministry of Internal Affairs: a photo shows that his belly was not slashed much by the civilian blocker, it was only slightly scratched, so there’s nothing to be dramatic and raise a fuss about. Embarrassed by the rebuff of the Crimean Tatar Democrats, the Kiva punitive expedition ignominiously retires in November in the steppe.

8. Under the building of the Presidential Administration of Ukraine takes place an impromptu demonstration with Crimean Tatar flags, defending the right of every free Ukrainian, and especially Tatar, to freely and fairly blast all that he pleases. Ayder Muzhdabaev [Tatar journalist] writes on Facebook a heartfelt post recalling about 200 years of suffering and humiliation of the Crimean Tatar people, the only way to stop that being to shut down the lights of the Crimean Tatars remaining in Crimea. Stuck inside a pylon, the Diogenes activist symbolizes the liberated Crimean Tatar people, who will never conquer no one.

9. Poroshenko urgently meets with Crimean Tatar leaders, earnestly assuring them that no one else will try to attack civilian blockers. National guardsmen and Kiva claim that a misunderstanding took place: actually they did not want to restore power lines to bring light to the Crimean Tatars in Crimea, but only to insulate the wire of the fallen pylons, so that civilian Tatar blockers, God forbid, do not get electrocuted. Kiva’s statement ends with the following phrase: “Ministry of Internal Affairs personnel is at the moment in areas of permanent stationing, the blockade continues! No lights in Crimea! Glory To Ukraine!”.

10. At this point, you will likely decide that what I’m writing cannot be true, because something like this can never be true; but, first of all, all quoted parts are easy to Google in Kiva’s facebook, the facebook of Muzhdabaeva [Tatar activist] and “Interfax.Ukraina” and secondly, I left for last a video which will allow you to assess for yourself the progress of the Crimean Tatar people in their struggle against electricity, water, sewerage and common sense:


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Categories: conflict zones, latest