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Obstructiongate!

CJ Hopkins

U.S. Attorney General William Barr, flanked by Deputy U.S. Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, speaks at a news conference to discuss Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report on Russian interference in the 2016 U.S. presidential race, in Washington, U.S., April 18, 2019. REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY

I owe the corporate media an apology. For the last few years, I’ve been writing all these essays explaining how they were perpetrating an enormous psyop on the American public … a psyop designed to convince the public that Donald Trump “colluded” with Russia to steal the presidency from Hillary Clinton. Up until a few days ago, I would have sworn that they had published literally thousands of articles and editorials, and broadcast countless TV segments, more or less accusing him of treason, and being a “Russian intelligence asset,” and other ridiculous stuff like that. Also, and I’m still not sure how this happened, I somehow got the idea in my head that the investigation that Special Counsel Robert Mueller was meticulously conducting had something to do with Donald Trump conspiring or “colluding” with Russia, or being some kind of “Manchurian president,” or being blackmailed by Putin with a pee-tape, or something.

In any event, the publication of the Mueller report has cleared things up for me. I get it now. The investigation was never about Trump colluding with Russia. It was always about Trump obstructing the investigation of the collusion with Russia that the investigation was not about. Mueller was never looking for collusion. It was not his job to look for collusion. His job was to look for obstruction of his investigation of alleged obstruction of his investigation of non-collusion, which he found, and detailed at length in his report, and which qualifies as an impeachable offense.

Not that he proved that there was no collusion! On the contrary, as professional hermeneuticists have been repeatedly pointing out on Twitter, given that Mueller wasn’t looking for collusion, and that collusion could never have been legally established, and isn’t even a legal term, Mueller’s failure to find any actual evidence of collusion is evidence of collusion, notwithstanding the fact that he couldn’t prove it, and wasn’t even looking for it, except to the extent it allowed him to establish a case for the obstruction he was actually investigating.

In other words, his investigation was launched in order to investigate the obstruction of his investigation. And, on those terms, it was a huge success. The fact that it didn’t prove “collusion” means nothing — that’s just a straw man argument that Trump and his Russian handlers make. The goal all along was to prove that Trump obstructed an investigation of his obstruction of that investigation, not that he was “colluding” with Putin, or any of the other paranoid nonsense that the corporate media were forced to report on, once an investigation into his obstruction of the investigation was launched.

See, and this is why I owe the media an apology. All those thousands of hysterical articles, editorials, and TV segments accusing Donald Trump of treason, and of literally being a Russian agent, and probably Putin’s homosexual lover, were not just ridiculous propaganda. The corporate media were not engaged in a concerted campaign to convince the public that Trump conspired with a foreign adversary to brainwash millions of African Americans into refusing to vote for Hillary Clinton with some emails and a handful of Facebook posts. No, the media were simply covering the story of his obstruction of the investigation of the made-up facts the intelligence agencies got them to relentlessly disseminate to generate the appearance of a story, which, once it was out there, had to be reported on, regardless of how it came into being, or whose nefarious purposes it served.

Moreover, regardless of whether Mueller did or did not establish obstruction (or attempted obstruction, which is just as impeachable) of his non-investigation of collusion, he absolutely established that Russia attacked us by brainwashing all those African Americans who were definitely going to vote for Clinton until they saw those divisive Facebook ads and those DNC emails that Putin personally ordered Trump to order Paul Manafort to personally deliver to Julian Assange, who was hunkered down in the Ecuadorean embassy poking holes in King-size condoms, abusing his cat, and smearing invisible poo all over the walls of his kitchen.

Now, these are all indisputable facts, which Mueller establishes in his report by referencing the repeated assertions of a consensus of U.S. intelligence agencies, and the corporate media’s relentless repetition of those agencies’ assertions, and the feeling a lot of people have that they must be factual to some extent, given how often they have been repeated, and referenced, and authoritatively asserted, and how familiar they sound when they hear them, again. The fact that there exists no evidence whatsoever of any “Russian attack,” and that all we’re actually talking about is the publication of a bunch of emails that DNC members actually wrote, and some ridiculous social media posts, should not in any way detract from the fact that the Russians launched a totally devastating, virtually Pearl Harbor-scale attack on the fabric of American democracy, which Trump obstructed an investigation of, or attempted to obstruct an investigation of, or conspired to attempt to obstruct an investigation of obstruction of.

Or whatever. The point is, now they’ve got him! His justice obstructing days are numbered! Break out the pussyhats and vuvuzelas, because next stop is Impeachment City! So what if he’s not a Russian agent and didn’t conspire or collude with anyone? He got elected without permission, and insulted a lot of powerful people, and … well, who cares what they impeach him for, as long as they impeach him for something!

They kind of have to do it, at this point, don’t they? They just spent most of the last three years rolling out an official narrative in which the Russians are running around attacking democracy, poisoning ducks with Novichok perfume, fomenting populist uprisings in France, and just generally being the evil enemies that the Islamic terrorists used to be, before they turned into freedom fighters and helped us try to take over Syria.

If the Democrats don’t impeach Donald Trump, that official narrative might fall apart. Liberals might have to face the fact that Americans elected Donald Trump president, not because they were brainwashed by Russians, or had any illusions about what a thuggish, self-aggrandizing buffoon he is, but because they were so disgusted with the neoliberal Washington establishment, and the global capitalist elites that own it, that they leapt at the chance to vote against it, and probably would have elected anyone who promised to even marginally disrupt it … but there I go drifting off into my crazy conspiracist thinking again.

Anyway … I’m really sorry about all that stuff I wrote about the corporate media. Rest assured, that won’t happen again. Admittedly, I blew the Russiagate thing, but I promise to do better with Obstructiongate, or Tax-Returnsgate, or Whatevergate. It doesn’t really matter what we call it, right? The important thing is to teach the masses what happens when they vote for unauthorized candidates. We’re only halfway through that lesson. Stay tuned … there’s much, much more to come!

CJ Hopkins is an award-winning American playwright, novelist and satirist based in Berlin. His plays are published by Bloomsbury Publishing (UK) and Broadway Play Publishing (USA). His debut novel, ZONE 23, is published by Snoggsworthy, Swaine & Cormorant. He can be reached at cjhopkins.com or consentfactory.org

Feel free to come find him in Berlin and buy him a beer. He’s been known to frequent an assortment of extremely suspicious RUSSIAN establishments in Kreuzberg.

Filed under: featured, latest, media watch, Other Media

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CJ Hopkins is an award-winning American playwright, novelist and satirist based in Berlin. His plays are published by Bloomsbury Publishing (UK) and Broadway Play Publishing (USA). His debut novel, ZONE 23, is published by Snoggsworthy, Swaine & Cormorant. He can be reached at cjhopkins.com or consentfactory.org Feel free to come find him in Berlin and buy him a beer. He’s been known to frequent an assortment of extremely suspicious RUSSIAN establishments in Kreuzberg.

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Thomas Peterson
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Thomas Peterson

The President can’t ‘obstruct justice’ by giving instructions to his subordinates. Nothing, nothing at all, impedes the President’s right to instruct people in his chain of command to do things for any reason he likes. And nothing trammels his right to say whatever he wants to about it on Twitter or anywhere else. If he believed that firing Comey would stop an FBI investigation into him and openly said so, nobody could do a darn thing about it. So this ‘obstruction’ stuff is just a lot of nonsense, even if there actually had been some kind of valid collusion case… Read more »

Robbobbobin
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Robbobbobin

That guy on tbe left in the photo looks like a once-idealistic young lawyer who has finally lost the last shreds of his youthful integrity under the relentless, unremitting onslaught of a very large pay-off or pay-offs from some or more ones.

Toby Russell
Reader
Toby Russell

To the point of sympathy? He does look rather beset, borderline exhausted, jaded, and yet also bored with a fey-apologetic note in the mix somewhere.

I’d feel sympathetic if the article hadn’t made me laugh so hard I almost cried at the crass ludicrousness of this continuing farce.

Robbobbobin
Reader
Robbobbobin

It was an experiment, inspired by an earlier comment that he looked like Elton John. I’d been pondering the tendency of some conspiracy fantasists, including some posting here in the O-G, to base entire theories of potentially personally damaging complicity on inane shreds of non-evidence backed up by loquacious expositions of non-forensic irrationality, and the sometimes credulous responses they got. Some people, particularly US voters, would rate him a cover-up accomplice, others that he’s a straight talking independent, with only a few undecided. Fact is, most lawyers are paid to tell a clients story however unlikely it sounds unless they… Read more »

Toby Russell
Reader
Toby Russell

Theorizing can become an addictive, positive-feedback-loop enterprise that mires high and low, educated and uneducated alike in its bewitching rewards. We do so invest, as humans, in the things we do. I suspect you are very aware of this foible, and revel in its dramas.

I figured your comment as impish humour, which I almost always enjoy, and of a piece with the article, which I found excellent. I was unaware of both the Elton John comment and of any fantasizing.

Gezzah Potts
Reader
Gezzah Potts

CJ…. So, Russiagate is finally done and dusted? Kaput? Finito? Never to be heard of again? Hurrah! I honestly didn’t know how much more of the turgid, twisted, mind numbing crap I could take. Was thinking of buying a one way ticket to Easter Island! ( Do they have corporate media on Easter Island?). So now we have….. Obstructiongate. Oh Joy. Something else the ethical, unbiased, truth telling journalists at The Guardian, ABC, BBC, et al can sink their teeth into. Been as crook as a dog with rabies and bubonic plague (combined) the last week, but your words are… Read more »

hauptmanngurski
Reader

Sorry to be a spelling Nazi, but the correct German spelling is Kaputt.

The Americans just do not like doing anything productive, must always spend their time and resources on investigations and then – hoops – time for new elections. Phew, escaped once again to do some serious work.

They need to be careful what they wish for – impeach and get Pence?

Kathy
Reader
Kathy

Thank you for an article that exposes the fascinating Rabbit hole through rabbit hole into rabbit hole syndrome. And so concisely and wittily.
We must all take measures to avoid contamination with this virus. It now seams to have become an unstoppable raving epidemic within the weirdly deranged, and manipulative world of the controllers and gate keepers of the official narrative.

tfs
Reader
tfs

This was always going to be about Obstruction gate.

http://www.judgenap.com/post/did-the-president-obstruct-justice

Of course I have to piss myself laughing when i hear America and Justice spoken together in the same piece.

SpartUSA, on an elevator to hell, going down………..

A Nice business to DO people with
Reader

Hells teeth, we skipped from Catch 22 to Catch 53 and missed most of the numbers in between. Great work, it makes the scene in Catch 22 where Bob Newhart tells his adjutant he is out, look shabby by comparison.
Love it

different frank
Reader
different frank

Trump it seems was fooled by a fake photo of some dead ducks.

BigB
Reader
BigB

Is that Elton John with Rosenstein? 😀

Nice work, CJ.

Davo Alaska
Reader
Davo Alaska

That’s Ralphie, from “A Christmas Story”— all grown up. He went to the Dark Side after being forced to wear the pink bunny suit by his well-meanng mom.

tutisicecream
Reader

Yep another honky cat! BB.

Ian Fantom
Reader
Ian Fantom

I look forward to a play on ‘Trumpgate’.

crank
Reader
crank

Thank you CJ, that is all much clearer now.

tutisicecream
Reader

I’m confused CJ, So Putin is not as omnipotent as we were led to believe by our forth estate buddies at the Graun et.al? It was obstruction of justice like the FBI not checking or investigating the DNC hard drives? Operation hard drive worked well for the Graun, you might have thought that MI5/6 would have tipped off CIA/FBI regarding Hillery’s compromat rather than producing a completely fact free dossier.

Either way it just goes to show that now in Ukraine real democracy reigns and apparently Putin doesn’t like that according to the Graun either.

Yarkob
Reader
Yarkob

V. Putin especially hates the fact that the, seemingly uncorrupt, comedian dude wants some sort of (perhaps limited) rapprochement with Russia. How very dare he. must be a puppet too

Peter M
Reader
Peter M

Isn’t it clear that Putin of course influenced the Ukrainian populace to elect a comedian and then surreptituously – as it is coded in the Russian genes – take over a U
kraine that dies laughing?

Ian Fantom
Reader
Ian Fantom

Donald Trump is doing what all politicians do, in saying the opposite of what they mean. When they want war they talk peace; when Donald Trump wants peace he talks war. Of course, the Trumphaters don’t like that.

Ray Raven
Reader
Ray Raven

No, politicians do NOT “say the opposite of what they mean”.
Politicians lie; just outright lie, and do whatever it takes to keep themselves in power.

Ian Fantom
Reader
Ian Fantom

OK, they say the opposite of what they believe to be the truth. That’s lying. When Trump is told by the CIA or whoever that he has to support them in their next aggression, he obliges, but calls their bluff by doing so in such a blatantly obvious way that virtually the whole world speaks up against what is after all CIA policy. It’s how he negotiates.

Neil Youngson
Reader
Neil Youngson

Thank you, brilliant as always!

alsdkfj
Reader
alsdkfj

How can anyone possibly assert that Trump is anything BUT representative of the swamp of crony capitalism and the rest. CJ, have you noticed the Austerity on steroids wrecking ball the Trump Administration is swinging around? Of course not. You are a leftist who just loves his Trump, but of course you don’t…nudge nudge. A truly bizarre phenomenon. Perhaps it’s the nationalism you relate to, or his golf swing? Penchant for the “strong man”? I despise Bill and Hillary, and every other corporate servicing schmuck that makes up the leadership of the Democratic Party. I especially despise Obama, Feinstein, and… Read more »

Peter M
Reader
Peter M

It is disturbing that exactly the so called “liberal” left was willinlgy getting distracted by this wholy idiotic made up “affair” from confronting Trump regarding the real issues, like the increase of the military budget, cutting down important agencies, increasing Nato presence on Russias borders, starting tradewars with everyone around, cancelling international agreements etc. etc. Some of those measures, especially the cold war against Russia was explicitly approved by those who consider themselves left – although in US context I have no clear idea what it means. I guess a somewhat washed out Social Democratic idea which even in Europe… Read more »

DaveO
Reader
DaveO

“Thick” only begins to describe you, alsdkfj. No point in even engaging: rational thought will not get through the walls of gratuitous butt-hurt of another disappointed, crestfallen even, Rachel Maddow sycophant. Boo-hoo for you.

intergenerationaltrauma
Reader

alsdkfj – your “Trump Derangement Syndrome” fueled response brings to mind that classic Jack Nicholson line from the movie ‘A Few Good Men.’

( “Truth? You can’t handle the truth!” )

You – “What I don’t get are leftists that give Trump a pass on everything they rightly detest Obama, Clinton, et al for.”

– What pray tell are you freaking talking about?

Andyoldlabour
Reader
Andyoldlabour

alsdkfj

Woosh!!
I don’t think you understand the article.
I dislike Trump intensely, but it doesn’t mean I have to believe all the fiction about “Russian collusion”.

Yarkob
Reader
Yarkob

“a leftist who loves his trump” is how I have ben described by some people. people who, like you, can’t see past their TDS.

I prescribe some Jimmy Dore, though you’d probably accuse him of being a “leftist who loves Trump” too. And that, my friend, is why the Dems are going to lose by a landslide in 2020. Not because Trump, but because themselves. A used condom could have beaten Trump if they’d paid slightly more attention to their voters, but no. Muh Russia s what did it…sigh

Makropulos
Reader
Makropulos

It’s not a question of “loving” Trump. It’s a question of realising that the whole Trump fiasco blows a hole in the phoney political spectrum i.e. that fraudulent arena which has now been revealed as – in the words of Gore Vidal – a bird with two right wings. Yes Trump is an arsehole. But I’m damned if I’m going to enter into that putrid game of denouncing him just to swing over to the “better option” of supporting the Democrats.

Fair dinkum
Reader
Fair dinkum

The message is a massage.

dhfabian
Reader

Well yes, exactly, and this proves once and for all that “Russia stole the election.” Those nefarious Russian operatives operated so cleverly, in an extra-reality mode, that facts and logic don’t apply.

Ash
Reader
Ash

Ha! A+ as usual, CJ.