After months of the media talking about it as if it has the potential to make any kind of difference at all, the Tory leadership contest is over and the results have been announced.
Finally the white smoke has flown and we have a new Prime Minister: Liz Truss.
It was a long and bitter contest, fraught with heated debates about the future of the country.
Ms Truss ran on a platform of everything getting worse and doing whatever the WEF says, while her opponent – chancellor Rishi Sunak – insisted we need a different kind of leader, someone who makes sure everything is getting worse and who will do whatever the WEF says.
In the end the former proved more popular with the handful of bureaucrats responsible for pretending British elections are fair, or even real.
Critics of Ms Truss point out that she has the personality of a bag of flour and the mental acuity of a quite stupid bag of flour.
Her supporters say the same, but hasten to add that she “tries hard” and “has nice hair”. Neither of which is true of course, but it’s nice to be nice.
Speaking under condition of anonymity, a Whitehall insider told us:
“Liz Truss is a perfect prime minister. In meetings, we sometimes forget she’s even there. Until we can somehow train a bucket of white rice to wear a pantsuit and make racist gaffes, Liz is the best Prime Minister we could ever hope for.”
In her first act as the largest and most well-paid sock puppet in the country, Ms Truss promised to freeze energy bills, forcing energy companies to maintain their current level of price gouging and be satisfied with the record profits they are already making.
A solid start to what promises to be an entirely worthless term overseeing the destruction and degradation of the country.
Still, some questions do arise:
- Who cares?
- What difference does it make?
- I’m sorry…Liz who?
- No, seriously, who cares?