Essays, latest

The Assassination of Donald Trump

CJ Hopkins

a concerned private citizen expressing spontaneous opinions of his own devising

OK … here’s a question for you.

Let’s assume, strictly for the purposes of argument, that Donald Trump is literally Hitler, or at least a proto-Hitlerian fascist, like the neoliberal ruling classes and the corporate media have been saying he is. And let’s go ahead and also assume that he’s a treasonous Russian intelligence asset working in league with Vladimir Putin to destroy the very fabric of Western democracy, and that he isn’t even legitimately President, because he stole the election from Hillary Clinton with all those Russian bots and Facebook posts, and all that other stuff they’ve been accusing him of, which would make him the most monstrously evil villain in the history of monstrously evil villains, not to mention an existential threat to the nation, and Americans, and … well, the rest of humanity. And so, basically, what I want to know is, why don’t they just kill this guy?

Seriously, if Trump is really Hitler, and a traitor, working for a foreign enemy, like The New York Times and more or less every other organ of the corporate media has been telling us he is for the last two years, well, how about getting SEAL Team 6 to storm the White House in the dead of night and shoot him in the face or something? That seems to go over pretty well with people. Or what about a simple heart attack? Don’t our spooks have some kind of heart attack juice that they could slip into his Diet Coke, or smear onto the doorknob of the Oval Office?

Not that there’s really any need for subtlety. After all, if he’s actually a Russian operative, and a proto-Hitlerian genocidal dictator, there’s no reason to run a covert op or attempt to cover anything up. On the contrary, you would want do it openly, proudly, where all Americans could see it. Which is why I’d go with the DEVGRU option. They could waste him live on CNN. The bloodier the better. Just imagine the ratings! They could march into the Oval Office in that cool-looking kill squad body armor and beat him to death with a gold-plated golf club. It’s not like he’d put up much of a fight. What is he, like seventy years old or something?

All right, I know you’re probably thinking that beating a sitting president to death with a gold-plated gap wedge is nothing to joke about, and that doing so (i.e., joking about it, not actually beating the President to death) is possibly a federal crime or whatever, but we’re talking Adolf Hitler here, folks. Do I have to link to every one of the literally thousands of impassioned editorials, articles, and TV and radio segments in which respected journalists at serious news outlets have warned us, over and over, and over, that Donald Trump is literally Hitler, or virtually Hitler, and probably also a Russian agent?

I don’t think so. Do you think that respectable publications like The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Guardian, The Atlantic, Time, and so on, would print such inflammatory allegations if the fate of democracy were not at stake? That would be rather reckless, wouldn’t it? I mean, how many times can you call a guy Hitler before Americans demand that somebody kill him?

This is what we do, after all. Killing Hitler is America’s thing. America has been killing Hitler since … well, since Hitler killed himself. Saddam was Hitler. We killed him, didn’t we? Or we got some guys to kill him for us. Same goes for Gaddafi. He was Hitler. We killed the hell out of him. That was fun. We got some guys to sodomize him with a bayonet, and shoot him in the head, and then we laughed about it on national television. Oh, and Osama bin Laden. He was definitely Hitler … OK, not while he was working with the CIA, but later, after he went native on us. We shot him in the face and dumped in the ocean. And Milosevic, he was also Hitler! OK, we didn’t kill him, but we killed his whole country, then we put him on trial in the Hague for war crimes. And what about Stalin, Ho Chi Minh, Castro, Khomeini, Bashar al Assad, and all the other Hitlers we wanted to kill, or tried to kill but couldn’t kill? The list goes on and on, and on.

I kid you not, if there is anything Americans love more than working a hundred hours a week and buying stuff with credit cards, it is repeatedly killing Adolf Hitler. You just point at somebody, call him Hitler, and Americans are ready to help you kill him. And, even if someone isn’t technically Hitler, as long as those respectable news sources tell us it’s OK to kill them … well, that’s usually good enough for us.

For example, if you’re messing around with our “interests,” like maybe interfering with our corporations’ exploitation of your Central American country, we will have no choice but to fund and train some sadistic death squads to hideously torture and murder your people until you come to your senses. Or, if you’re even considering aligning with some annoying, fanatically religious regime that deposed the puppet we installed in their country, and that is sitting in the middle of the Middle East screwing up our restructuring plans, and which the Russians won’t let us tactically nuke, well, we’ll have to help our friends, the Saudis, bomb the living Allah out of you, starve your women and children to death, and otherwise wipe you off the face of the Earth.

So let’s not suddenly get all squeamish about killing Hitler or … you know, whoever. Killing Hitlers, and other bogeymen, and innocent men, women, and children is as American as apple pie, not to mention an extremely profitable business. So what’s the problem here, exactly? Either Trump is Hitler or he isn’t Hitler. If he’s Hitler, and a traitorous Russian agent, like all those respected media sources, and those anonymous “Intelligence Community” sources, and those people on Twitter say he is, what the hell is taking so long? Why doesn’t somebody get in there and kill him? What good are all these black ops types if they can’t even save America from Hitler?

I don’t know, maybe the ruling classes don’t believe they have generated enough public support with all their “resistance” and “Hitler” stuff to brutally assassinate the president on television (which is hard to fathom, given the relentless propaganda campaign they’ve been concertedly waging). Perhaps it needs to be a grassroots effort. In which case, maybe the Democratic Party, Bill Kristol, Rob Reiner, Rachel Maddow, Michael Moore, General Hayden, Hillary Clinton, Alec Baldwin, the Editorial Board of The New York Times, and other key Resistance fighters could organize a “March to Assassinate Trump.” People could break out their pussyhats again. Everyone loves those pussyhats! They could march on CIA headquarters in Langley. Just think of all the signs and slogans  … “SCREW DEMOCRACY, JUST KILL HIM ALREADY!” “WHAT WOULD WILLIAM CASEY DO?” and the always popular call and response, “TELL ME WHAT THE DEEP STATE LOOKS LIKE … THIS IS WHAT THE DEEP STATE LOOKS LIKE!” The possibilities are almost endless!

I’m not saying it would be a cakewalk … or that there wouldn’t be any kind of blowback. The Resistance would likely catch a little flak from the millions of toothless, Oxy-addicted, white supremacist Nazis that voted for the guy. There would probably be a bit of “civil unrest,” but then, what’s the point of militarizing virtually every major police force in the country if you’re not prepared to turn them loose on the citizenry every once and while? And anyway, the main thing is, regardless of how messy things would probably get, it would provide the global capitalist ruling classes with an opportunity to remind these unruly “populists” what happens when you vote for Hitler!

C J Hopkins is an award-winning American playwright, novelist and satirist based in Berlin. His plays are published by Bloomsbury Publishing (UK) and Broadway Play Publishing (USA). His debut novel, ZONE 23, is published by Snoggsworthy, Swaine & Cormorant. He can be reached at or

Feel free to come find him in Berlin and buy him a beer. He’s been known to frequent an assortment of extremely suspicious RUSSIAN establishments in Kreuzberg.

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Kit Knightly is co-editor of OffGuardian. The Guardian banned him from commenting. Twice. He used to write for fun, but now he's forced to out of a near-permanent sense of outrage.


  1. Trump thus far is not remotely in the ballpark of Hitler who murdered several billion people. If the votes that elected him are not respected, someone akin to Hitler might rise up.

  2. Paul says

    America seems very much like 1961-2 when Allen Dulles, Founder of the Deep State began working against the new President Kennedy because of his interest in peace and disarmament and his refusal to invade Cuba or use a First Strike nuclear attack over the Cuban missile affair. They branded Kennedy as a traitor which made it relatively easy to get support for his assisination. They didn’t care that much that some 60% of Americans saw it as just that, a CIA coup d’etat. Like the Crown Prince of KSA there is an obvious advantage in letting people know just how murderous and ruthless you can be. The Deep State has been In Charge now since they blew Kennedy’s head apart; it’s hard to see Trump taking a personal risk with people he must ideologically approve of so what are the chances he’s playing their game with a promise they won’t kill him?

  3. rilme says

    I LIKE Hitler’s new look. He reminds me of that ghost-woman from, but not of, the USA:

  4. frank says

    Anyone else think that Trump is an actor playing his part whilst the the actual people in power get on with their agenda.

    • Martin Usher says

      I think Trump fits the definition of a “Useful Idiot” to a ‘T’. He’s too egotistical to recognize the possibility that he could be outclassed so he’d just assume that DC was his for the commanding. Unfortunately for us the people at the top of the political pecking order didn’t get there by playing nice; they’ll take a little while to size Trump up but once they have his measure (and they’ve sorted out the inevitable palace infighting to work out who’s going to be top dog) they’ll just drive him like a puppet.

      • @ Martin Usher
        “once they have his [Trump’s] measure (and they’ve sorted out the inevitable palace infighting to work out who’s going to be top dog) they’ll just drive him like a puppet.’

        Didn’t that already happen?

  5. FIVE EYES Cabal says

    “if there is anything Americans love more than working a hundred hours a week and buying stuff with credit cards, it is repeatedly killing Adolf Hitler.
    You just point at somebody, call him Hitler, and Americans are ready to help you kill him. And, even if someone isn’t technically Hitler, as long as those respectable news sources tell us it’s OK to kill them”

    U.S. Special Operations Forces Deployed To 70% Of The World’s Countries In 2016:

    How did madness take over Western Civilisation?

  6. John2o2o says

    Thank you, CJ, for reminding me that a small minority of Americans do have a functioning brain.

  7. DunGroanin says

    Much applause.

    Two observations. This brings to my mindthe sci-fi thought experiment of time travel. Going back to kill hitler for example. And all the complications to history if that was possible, etc.

    Secondly, taliking of sci-fi, if you know Ian M Banks a great name for one of his self named Mind ships would happily be a SC vessel:

  8. Chris says

    The deeper issue, of course, is that Hitler wasn’t “Hitler” either.

  9. Jim Scott says

    There is another way CJ. Just get Chump to head off to personally talk to the people at the Saudi Embassy in Turkey. Send the consul a note saying Trump called Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman a pussy.

  10. Michael Cromer says

    President Donald J Trump can afford to pay to have his knob wiped clean every day – Theresa May has already been trained to do it allegedly.

  11. tonyopmoc says

    I first came across CJ Hopkins a couple of years ago. I really like his writing style even when I don’t agree with him. I guess I came across Off-Guardian a couple of years ago too. As a result of someone who posted something here, that I read today, I watched a youtube video of a BBC interview featuring Sergey Lavrov, and some idiot at the BBC which I gave up watching a very long time ago, for extremely good reasons. Sergey Lavrov, at the end of the interview said something very interesting, that I was previously unaware of. Maybe Boris Johnson was too.

    Here’s the details and the link (still available via a Google search)

    “Remarkable scene as the English team give the Nazi salute during the German national anthem at a 1938 football match in Berlin.”

    “England v. Germany Football Match in Berlin 1938”

    I thought we had beaten the Nazi’s during WWII, but it is beginning to look, we are almost back to where we were before we started. How come we have now got these complete and utter idiots in control of The British Government?

    My Dad, most certainly would not approve. He used to get the Spitfires back up in the air, and then helped design, and deploy the Mulberry Harbour under enemy fire.


    • RealPeter says

      Thanks for the link to the football match news reel of the time. England giving the Nazi salute in 1938, eh? Not something you hear about very often.

  12. Makropulos says

    Deep down I think that the media and their masters actually rather like Hitler. I mean – he’s very useful to them. You see most folk misunderstand the purpose of politicians. These political leaders are not there to actually get anything done. They just serve as a front for the usual financial interests – which means that these stage performers will sooner or later end up being loathed. And that’s their whole job. They are set up to take the storm of rotten fruit that comes from an enraged population who realise they’ve been shafted again. And if the old Hitler rap gets the missiles flying faster then the masses get to take out their rage in a more exhilarating way, they feel better and the next clay pigeon gets launched. And repeat.

  13. harry stotle says

    I think DH Lawrence was on to something when he said “The essential American soul is hard, isolate, stoic, and a killer. It has never yet melted”.

    After all Americans have never needed much of an excuse before resorting to violence – which might explain why there have been over 30 attempts to take out incumbent or former presidents, or why US prisons are bursting at the seams or why belligerent foreign policies have claimed literally millions of lives while devastating entire regions along the way.

    Not that any of this stops the MSM from trotting out cliches about America being the land of the free, or the worlds moral policeman – hell the US can even blow up their own cities harming thousands of their own citizens yet the MSM will still pretend that nothing sinister is going on!

    • Rob says

      Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Lawrence needs to ask where exactly America derived these traits from. He could start with John Locke. Another trait, also commonly shared between Brits and Americans is the tendency to finger-point. I think that is the point of Hopkins’ article, no?

      • harry stotle says

        The central premise, as I read it, is, “Killing Hitlers, and other bogeymen, and innocent men, women, and children is as American as apple pie, not to mention an extremely profitable business.” allied to the fact this state of affairs is rationalised or conditioned by a a constant stream of shit pumped out by the MSM – but I agree Britain is responsible for more than its fair share of brutality in the world even if nowadays we don’t quite match the operatic scale our trans-Atlantic overlords.

    • Antonym says

      Strange that Americans are so active with violence abroad, as their continent is quite isolated and “safe”.
      The massive defence budget is irrational. The Native Americans did a better job regarding other continents. Imagine the US acting like ancient China: don’t go there, let them be.

  14. Genius article.
    Haven’t read this theory elaborated anywhere yet, so…

    Project Trump is the mirror of Project Obama. Trump is ‘Hitler’ to Obama’s ‘Martin Luther King’. The screenwriters in Langley or Tel Aviv or whereverland have long realised that national democratic politics just ain’t holding water anymore, that the media has been caught with its dick somewhere it shoudn’t be.
    They wrote the Obama chapter to quell the rage of reaction to the 2008 wealth transfer and the false war in Iraq. The hypnotised progressives just couldn’t break through the mental haze of ‘black man as president- so eloquent, young, so…black’ to see the crushing of democracy, the elevation of war, the ushering in of total oligarchic power.
    Project Trump uses the same false ‘break with the past’ meme but from the Right. Trump is no nationalist, he is the Israeli president of the United States of America. He has not broken with Neoliberalism or Neoconservatism. By painting him as Hitler, traitor or uniquely demonic transgressor- when he is none of those things, undermines any critique of policy or structure of empire. To try and detract from the demonisation of Trump is to be labelled an appeaser of the new fascism, a traitor yourself.
    The Kashoggi case seems epitomising. The narrative that Trump and co. are covering for the Saudi regime means that anyone asking for some basic evidence that a murder even took place is bracketed with Trumpian ‘fascists’, excusing Saudi atrocity (even if you have been drawing attention to Saudi war crimes for years). By creating the myth that Trump is an outsider and adversary to the deep state empire (which when you think about it is absurd) means that -in the eyes of the ignorant ‘progressives’, by questioning the deep state or the media you are somehow ‘pro-Trump’.

    It’s called the ‘revelation of the method’, and may well be completely wrong.
    But it is hard to make sense of why the BBC, The Guardian, the gutter press, the anti-war Left are suddenly on the same page with regard to Saudi Arabia.
    If the Saudis wanted Kashoggi dead, could they not have hired some plausibly deniable proxies and popped him in the street ?
    ‘The body has been found’ they tell us.
    ‘according to [unamed] sources’, and so it goes on.

    • matty says

      Like your thinking. Go to nomadiceveryman blog. Here the author provides some very interesting information on the unpleasant Saudi drama.

      • Hats off to Scott for digging that out and putting it together.
        Someone could tie this story to the giant poker game that is ‘the Saudi oil reserves estimates’, that and the dollar’s losing of ground (Nafeez Ahmed perhaps?), and we would end up with some emerging pattern for the years ahead.

        Thanks for the link.

  15. George Cornell says

    The caterwauling from the so-called American left, as in left behind, is piteous. Surely Trump is a fool but calling him Hitler is convenient, even though he has invaded no one, has forgone mass extermination for now and probably has two testicles. What is needed to break this fantasy? Feel good stories about Hitler’s dog?

  16. Denis O'hAichir says

    Waco, Ruby Ridge, Aryan Nation, Alex Jones spring to mind if Trump was offed.

  17. Emily Durron says

    JFK was killed by the CIA because he was planning to normalise relations with Castro and withdraw from Vietnam and even end the cold war. Killing Trump with the fervent support of CNN and the New York Times should be a walk in the park.

    • Roberto says

      Andrei Gromyko, in his autobiography, had a couple of brief but choice comments before and after the assassination, about his conversations with Kennedy, and Kennedy’s worries about opponents to his policies.

    • Hugh O'Neill says

      There is much smearing of Ambassador Joe Kennedy as being pro-Hitler, pro-Chamberlain, pro-Appeasement. The so-called Umbrella Man” from the JFK Assassination claimed that he sported a black umbrella (not as a signal to the shooters) but as a reference to the 1938 Appeasement of Hitler at Munich (Yeah, right).

      The “Appeasement” meme is a constant in US military (and CIA) group think: after the successful ending of the Cuban Missile Crisis, all the generals were in revolt and close to overthrowing Kennedy then (“A good nite to go to the theater” said Jack to Bobby).

      Another ahistorical (anti-Hitler) meme is that WWII was fought to save the Jews, whereas Hitler knew that the West had little interest on that score (see SS. St Louis and the Bermuda Conference). Old Joe Kennedy – despite all the accusations of his being anti-semitic – actually tried to help Jewish refugees, despite the opposition of his superiors.

    • rilme says

      So it was nothing to do with Dimona, Jacob Rubenstein, Meyer Lansky, and LBJ and the USS Liberty?

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