Chicken Little Was an Optimist

Sylvia Shawcross

Okay, to be honest, the title of this piece came from a comment by somebody on some forum somewhere which stuck in my head because it made me laugh.

Now, the important thing here is, why in the hell did that make me laugh? Have we reached that stage now? The stage where impending doom is now bitter entertainment?

Probably. We’re all staring down a bleak future with all that is going on in the world and sometimes you have to laugh or you’ll cry. And sometimes absurdity takes over.

Given the high theatre of our leaders and the ever-evolving script we’re living in, and the number of leaders with acting experience, what other thing can we possibly think other than this is entertainment? It can’t possibly be real. In one’s wildest imagination none of this is real.

I mean, if all this were real, surely somebody would tell us? Somebody important.

Nobody has really.

They’re basically spending their time scaring us about what could be. And it is all negative. Truly. The best we are told about anything positive seems to be about owning nothing, some weird robot contraption by Elon obviously meant to replace us and smart cities. And maybe we’ll save the planet somehow.

Mostly, we all spend more time speculating on what will happen after an event rather than knowing about the actual event itself these days. The actual “knowing” of anything is farmed off to investigative bodies that take a great deal of time so that when we finally know the results we don’t care because we’re into another speculative if not spectacular event. And we’re watching it all on a screen three stops away from reality. That’s how it goes.

If it weren’t for all the suffering and pain and fear, that might even be funny.

Now, the way I figure it, if the hypocrisy of all of this doesn’t get to you, the irony definitely will. Now, I was watching the UN proceedings when New Zealand’s prime minister Jacinda Ardern (WEF) gave a speech* which included a significant statement on cracking down on so-called disinformation.

I gather she is going to spearhead this global mission. (Who gets to define disinformation anyway?)

And I asked my connection who happens to live in New Zealand what they thought about this and they asked me “what speech”? The New Zealand mainstream media didn’t report on the full speech around the announcement of censorship being spear-headed by their own prime minister. At least at the time of this writing far as I know which is a few days later. It certainly received coverage elsewhere. This of course is in comparison to the wall-to-wall coverage of Ardern’s appearance on the catwalk for the Wearable Art competition.

Is that funny? Maybe. I don’t know. You tell me.

But never mind all that. There is just no way we mere mortals are going to figure any of this out. We are not flies on the wall of the seriously important backroom meetings of the Gods of Davos and their handlers and even if we were, they’d probably catch us and feed us to the “help.” (Yes, I know. I’m still obsessed with us all having to eat bugs. Yes, I know there’s the threat of WW3 and pipelines and famines and uprisings and greater depressions and human rights abuses. But you know… some of us focus on what we know and we know we don’t want to eat bugs.)

And as far as knowing goes, I just want to know why they’re picking on cows. Why not squirrels? I mean, anybody who is anybody with a backyard feeder knows that there may be at least three cows worth of squirrels on a feeder at any given time making the sighting of the red cardinal much less likely. And given the small fortune in seeds they’re eating it seems they would be full of fibrous fluffy flatulance don’t you think?

Nobody seems to be measuring their gaseous emissions that I know of. They’re such bloody little greedy monsters really. (Little do they know they will make good eating when the famine comes. But that’s another topic. And I couldn’t eat a squirrel really if you paid me.)

So cows belch 250 to 500 litres of gaseous emissions into the atmosphere on any given day (Ruminant cows, i.e. This would be the ones that eat grass and hay rather than field mice or ground-up crickets which they tend to gulp down rapidly rather than ruminating over).

I know this because I looked it up. And that is why this whole grand agenda that we’re living in just falls apart for those of us who are not scientists and leaders of countries. We begin reading about belching cows and the mind begins boggling and we can’t get past the first sentence.

This is because somewhere some human being went out and measured belching and flatulating cows and well… it no longer matters why they did it, but more how in the hell they did it and what their friends and families think of them now that they have done such a thing.

I mean, how does that work at dinner parties? There they are casually munching on blue-cheese nibbly-bits and someone asks them what they do for a living and they’ve spent the day measuring bovine burps and rude noises to save the planet. I guess that’s what they’d say—that they spent the day saving the planet from 2% carbon emissions. Two percent.

Now of course, with all this experience, anyone who has measured belching cows is going to save the world. Or at least explain it to us.

We didn’t realize it then but we do now. These humans are the ONLY ones with enough experience measuring gaseous emissions from tubular structures. It seems obvious they’ve likely been secretly spirited away from gaseous fields of green to the blue Baltic to measure the methane pipeline explosions. How do I know this? Because facts are now seeping out. Who else would know that the gaseous emissions from the sabotaged pipelines for just a few days is apparently equivalent to 800,000 cows emitting rude sounds for a year. Now who else would know that? Eh? Eh!

And the pipeline explosions could very well be the event that caused the entire world to go to war. Now there is a topic for cocktail parties. (I just wish they’d come up with a different analogy than windy cows. Some of us have finer sensibilities you know. Is there nothing else we can compare it to?)

Here’s an earworm in honour of our New Zealand prime minister with a nice tune for your day. You’re welcome.

>Syl Shawcross lives in Canada. She does not like the loss of freedom of speech. It is the one freedom that gives us all the freedoms. It is always better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. You know that right? Right. This is an obvious fact that leaders seem to fail to realize. If the guy down the road is a neo-nazi with dreadful tendencies most of us would be relieved he was broadcasting it for all to see and deal with rather than going underground making us all paranoid and suspicious of everybody and particularly our media. Or was that the point of all this censorship? It certainly seems to be one of the results. Hope and courage to all.