May 19, 2024

Screams for Billions – A Topical Fantasy

Michael Lesher

Recently, billionaire Sheryl Sandberg (ex-COO of Meta/Facebook) released a roughly 60-minute film purporting to explore “the sexual violence committed by Hamas on October 7, 2023.” Though denoted a “documentary,” the film (helmed by Israeli director Anat Stalinksy) is in fact a pastiche of falsehoods, debunked claims, slipshod interviewing and unverified Israeli propaganda.

A thorough dissection of the film’s dishonesty is available on Electronic Intifada for anyone who thinks Ms. Sandberg’s concoction worth the trouble. Naturally, Sandberg’s film is simultaneously being apotheosized by the likes of Bret Stephens.

Sandberg says she took the name of her production, Screams Before Silence, from the title of an equally worthless article published in December in the New York Times by one Jeffrey Gettleman (together with a pair of Israeli co-writers of dubious credentials).

What follows is a satirical fantasy depicting the making of Sandberg’s film. I call it Screams for Billions.

– ML

(The curtain rises on a bare soundstage. Enter SHRILL STUNTBRAG, heavily bedecked with jewels and surrounded by a gaggle of three female SYCOPHANTS, one of whom is trying to remove her necklace)

STUNTBRAG: Quit strangling me! What is this, the U.N.?

SYCOPHANT: But Ms. Stuntbrag, this is supposed to be a sad video – you know, all about the poor sexually victimized Israeli women, so I thought…your image, I mean…

STUNTBRAG: Come on! You think a woman like me wears real jewelry, meshuggeneh? Everything is fake.

SYCOPHANT (simpering): You’re so clever, Ms. Stuntbrag.

STUNTBRAG: Anyway, what’s money? (All SYCOPHANTS look at the floor, embarrassed.) The important thing is that I’m a caring woman. That’s why I’m making an hour-long video claiming Israeli women got raped by Palestinian fighters on October 7. (She takes out a hand mirror and glances at herself.) I think I want a more Jewish look…why don’t you clowns find me some Jewish objects we can use to play up my traditional side.

(The SYCOPHANTS scurry off, chorusing the words “caring” and “Jewish.”)

STUNTBRAG (grumbling): So help me, one day I’ll fire their overpaid asses… Where’s my director? (Shouting) Trotsky!

(Enter DIRECTOR)

DIRECTOR: Right here, Shrill. Though, actually, the name is Eimnat Stalin.

STUNTBRAG: Well, if you’re not Stalin, you’re Trotsky. All right? I went to college too, you know.

DIRECTOR (lighting a joint): Sure, baby. I know. And thanks for the salary. I was starting to think nobody wanted fake news videos any more.

STUNTBRAG (ominously): If you want to keep that salary, you’ll never use the words “fake news” again! (Shouting into her face:) You are here to showcase my sincerity! Nothing about me is fake! Got that?

DIRECTOR (unperturbed): Sure, I get it. (Takes a puff.) Now let’s talk takhlis. Baby, we’re pretty thin in the witness department. See, no Israeli woman claims to be a rape victim from October 7 – I mean nobody. Nobody claims to have seen a rape on October 7. Nobody even has any evidence of one. No forensics, no witnesses…

STUNTBRAG: Wise up, Trotsky. If the evidence was easy to find, would it take a billionaire to produce it?

DIRECTOR: I get you.

STUNTBRAG: Anyway, what’s money? (The DIRECTOR looks at the floor, embarrassed.) You know what I’m worth? A measly two billion. Now if I were a man, like that creep I used to work for – what’s his name? Mork Sorryborg…Mike Suckitbig…? Well, whatever – if I were a man, you can bet I’d really be loaded! But women…women are so mistreated… (She tears up.) Always poor and mistreated. Just like Jews. So poor, so mistreated…just look at me…

(The SYCOPHANTS re-enter. One holds a menorah, another a pair of Sabbath candles, the third a set of phylacteries. They circle proudly around STUNTBRAG.)

STUNTBRAG (to one of the SYCOPHANTS): What the hell’s this?

SYCOPHANT: Jewish stuff, Ms. Stuntbrag. Just like you asked for.

STUNTBRAG: No kidding. (She grabs the SYCOPHANT’s lapel, pulls her close and peers at the phylacteries she is holding.) What do you do with those?

SYCOPHANT: Well, I think you wrap the straps around your head and your left arm…it’s part of the morning prayers.

STUNTBRAG (incredulous): Yeah? Jews actually do that?

SYCOPHANT (nodding brightly): I believe they do.

STUNTBRAG: Oh, fuck it. (She pushes the woman back and waves all the SYCOPHANTS away.) Who cares, anyway? What I’m really looking for is something to project my empathy. What about that, Trotsky?

DIRECTOR: No trouble, baby. We’ll dress you in black for the interviews. Oh, and you’re going to have to hug some of those folks.

STUNTBRAG (suddenly suspicious): Who, for instance?

DIRECTOR: Well, the first one is ready to meet you. She wasn’t raped on October 7, but honestly, darling, she’s the nearest thing we could find. Here’s her file… (She hands a dossier to STUNTBRAG and gestures offstage.)

STUNTBRAG (looking at the dossier): Oh, that’s a relief. For a minute I thought I might have to hug a schlemiel like Bernie Sanders. Or that Mark Zucky-stucky, or whatever his name is.

(Enter PITIMI HOSANNA, a young-looking, attractive Israeli woman.)

DIRECTOR (to PITIMI): Sit down, darling. Now tell Shrill over here what happened to you.

PITIMI (to STUNTBRAG, with dramatic gestures): The terrorists – they kidnap me on 7th October. Because I am a Jew, and they hate all the Jews. You know this?

STUNTBRAG (solemnly): Of course.

PITIMI: Well – I am Israeli Jew, so I know that I have rights and they don’t. So I tell them, “The IDF is going to murder your families.” You should have seen their faces!

STUNTBRAG (uncertainly): I see… That’s it?

DIRECTOR: No, no – there’s more.

PITIMI (with more dramatic gestures): They kept me in Gaza. For 55 days! Do you know what that’s like, to be in Gaza for 55 days? In Gaza? Food and water running out, cities gone, hospitals destroyed, bombs going off everywhere, people dying…! It shouldn’t happen to anyone but a Palestinian!

STUNTBRAG (clearing throat): We know it was hard on you. But –

DIRECTOR (to PITIMI): Go on.

PITIMI: So…in Gaza…this one guard – I think his name was Muhammad – well, he…he, uh, made me do something – sexual with him. (Sharply:) Is that enough for you?

STUNTBRAG (looking at the dossier, softly to DIRECTOR): The thing is, she didn’t mention the sex incident publicly for months afterwards – not even when she spoke about her time in Gaza. And there are no witnesses, and no other evidence. Do you think people will believe her?

DIRECTOR (softly to STUNTBRAG): Look at her. What normal man wouldn’t want to rape her? And you know how Arabs are. Besides, she speaks English.

STUNTBRAG (to SYCOPHANTS): What do you think?

SYCOPHANT 1: I was moved.

SYCOPHANT 2: Very much.

SYCOPHANT 3: So was I.

STUNTBRAG: Okay, we’ve got a victim. (To PITIMI:) Go fix your hair and work on that accent. (PITIMI goes.) With some scary music playing while she talks, we can probably make her story substitute for mass rapes on October 7. But what can we use instead of evidence?

DIRECTOR: I’ve got just the thing. (She takes a puff on her joint and gestures offstage again.)

(Enter POLICE PROPAGANDIST, a slim Israeli woman with long blonde hair. She sits down in PITIMI’s place)

DIRECTOR: This one works for the Israeli police.

STUNTBRAG (with deep empathy): Tell me about sexual violence as a weapon of this war.

POLICE PROPAGANDIST: Oh, there’s plenty of that. Our guards rape Palestinian prisoners all the time. (STUNTBRAG coughs.) I mean, look, they have to do something between torture sessions.

STUNTBRAG: Um…I’m talking about sexual violence against Israelis.

POLICE PROPAGANDIST: Oh, you want the international line. (She removes her jacket, revealing a tee shirt printed, in large letters, “WEEP FOR US! WE’RE JEWS.”) Oh yes – awful. Sexual violence against Israeli women – horrible, just horrible. I can’t get the thought of it out of my mind. The most traumatic thing that’s happened since – (she raises a forefinger) since –

ALL (chorusing): The Holocaust.

POLICE PROPAGANDIST: Right. Since the Holocaust.

(All bow their heads for a moment.)

STUNTBRAG: So you have evidence of mass rape on October 7?

POLICE PROPAGANDIST: Evidence? We’ve got tons. Of course, we can’t show you any of it. Or even tell you about it. Government policy, you understand. But I’m a woman, and you have to believe women about these things, right? So whatever I tell you must be true.

STUNTBRAG: That’s right.

POLICE PROPAGANDIST: Besides, we managed to torture some bogus confessions out of a couple of Palestinians. Not that the U.N. would let us use them – that bunch of worthless anti-Semites…

(A TIMES REPORTER, drunk and slovenly, necktie askew, stumbles from the wings, stage right.)

TIMES REPORTER: Anti-Semites? Where are they? Lemme at ‘em!

STUNTBRAG: Jeffrey? What are you doing here?

TIMES REPORTER (to SYCOPHANTS): Are you girls anti-Semites?

SYCOPHANTS (chorusing): Oh, no! We think all Jews support genocide.

POLICE PROPAGANDIST: And I say the same.

TIMES REPORTER: You’re all right, then. (Scowls.) But those 59 journalism professors who attacked my article about Palestinian fighters raping Israeli women…and all the others who exposed the lies I wrote…God damn it, I’ll kill them all! Anti-Semites, the lot of them! How dare they threaten my career?

STUNTBRAG: You’re drunk, Jeffrey. And you shouldn’t be here.

TIMES REPORTER: And you! Who do you think you are, next to me? I spent years propagandizing for the New York Times, working my way up rung by rung, while you were raking in billions censoring nobodies on Facebook. Then came October 7. Where were you, may I ask? Partying on the Upper East Side and planning another book about what a great feminist “Lean-in” Tower of Pussy you are! But me – I was taking godawful Israeli hasbara and turning it into a piece of plausible fake news that you couldn’t have written to save your life!

STUNTBRAG: I gave you a plug for that in February. Gimme a break.

TIMES REPORTER (ignoring that): And as soon as the going gets rough – you drop me! You cut me out of your video – on my subject – and you don’t even mention my favorite fake case, that Israeli woman I said was raped before her family came out and publicly debunked me…!

STUNTBRAG: For the last time, Jeffrey – you shouldn’t be here. (To DIRECTOR:) Call security.

DIRECTOR: We don’t have any security. You wouldn’t pay for it, remember?

TIMES REPORTER: Oh, I can hear them whispering behind my back at the Times: “Kittelhead, Fiddlehead – even Stuntbrag is deserting his sinking ship now.” Well, I’ve got news for you, Shrill! A genocide supporter is a genocide supporter. If I go down, so do you!

(He pulls a gun from inside his jacket and points it at STUNTBRAG.)

DIRECTOR (softly, to STUNTBRAG): Baby, I may be a fake news video director, but that looks real to me.

STUNTBRAG (to POLICE PROPAGANDIST): You’re a cop. Do something.

POLICE PROPAGANDIST (shaking her head): We hasbarists never attack one of our own.

STUNTBRAG (to SYCOPHANTS): Then it’s up to you overpaid bitches. Get him!

SYCOPHANTS (chorusing): Oh, no, Ms. Stuntbrag. We deplore violence. Except against Palestinians. (They retreat as far as they are able.)

STUNTBRAG (to TIMES REPORTER): Put down that gun or I’ll scream!

TIMES REPORTER: Now, there’s a title for you, Stuntbrag: “Screams Before Silence.” (He points the gun at her again.) Because in another second you’re going to be silent!

STUNTBRAG: Not after you get shot by that self-defense drone I’ve got hovering behind your right earlobe.

(The TIMES REPORTER turns around to look; as he does, STUNTBRAG grabs a gun from the POLICE PROPAGANDIST’s shoulder holster and shoots the TIMES REPORTER , who immediately falls, dead.)

STUNTBRAG (putting down the gun and wiping her hands): One nice thing about being a billionaire is that people believe you can do anything.

DIRECTOR: Right, baby…like make a video about October 7th Israeli rape victims, when there weren’t any Israeli rape victims.

STUNTBRAG (ominously): Trotsky, did I hear you use the word “fake” again?

DIRECTOR: Oh, no, boss…but, now I think of it, I’d better go fetch a camera.

STUNTBRAG: Take along Ms. Robocop, will you? Maybe the two of you can find me some decent nail polish.

(They begin to exit.)

STUNTBRAG: Oh… (She gets up, crosses to POLICE PROPAGANDIST, and hugs her.) Now get out of here.

(They exit.)

STUNTBRAG (calling after them): And remember, everything I say is true. Nothing is fake! (To SYCOPHANTS:) Get that – whatever it is – off the soundstage.

(Two SYCOPHANTS drag the body of the TIMES REPORTER offstage.)

STUNTBRAG (beckoning the remaining SYCOPHANT): And you! (The SYCOPHANT approaches.) I thought I told you to protect me from Kittelhead. And instead, when he called me a genocide supporter, you just stood there!

SYCOPHANT: I really couldn’t think of anything to –

STUNTBRAG: Do I look like a genocide supporter? Do I?

SYCOPHANT: Well, actually…

STUNTBRAG: You are supposed to be helping me project empathy! Do you understand what empathy is? Do you? Em-pa-thy?! (She slaps her hard across the face. To her surprise, a blonde wig falls off the SYCOPHANT’s head.) Hey, what’s this? (She pulls at the SYCOPHANT’s face, and a mask peels off. The SYCOPHANT is a man, with short dark hair.) Brat?? Is that you? Are you really Brat See-things?

SYCOPHANT: Yeah – it’s me. I’m supposed to write a column for the Times plugging your video, so I thought it would be a good idea to watch it get made.

STUNTBRAG: And I was just about to fire you.

SYCOPHANT: Oh, I wouldn’t do that, Shrill. I could tell the editors who killed Kittelhead.

STUNTBRAG: But I can buy you. That would be almost as good.

SYCOPHANT: You couldn’t make me any less scrupulous.

STUNTBRAG (after a moment’s thought): Well, I can buy your whole goddamn newspaper, then! I’ll turn the Times into a pamphlet for Israeli propaganda! (SYCOPHANT looks at her. There is an awkward silence) Oh, yeah…I forgot. Anyway, what’s money? (SYCOPHANT looks at the floor, embarrassed.) Believe me, I never, ever think about money.

SYCOPHANT: I believe anything you say, Shrill.

STUNTBRAG: I suppose we’ll just have to make the video with what we’ve got. (Calling offstage:) Trotsky! See if you can find me somebody who can cry on cue. I’ll pay for lessons if there’s no other way.

DIRECTOR (from offstage): Right, baby. And I won’t laugh during the interviews, no matter what those people claim…

STUNTBRAG: Good. (Glancing at SYCOPHANT:) With this cast of characters, we may have to up our game a bit…

(The curtain falls.)

Michael Lesher is an author, poet and lawyer whose legal work is mostly dedicated to issues connected with domestic abuse and child sexual abuse. His latest nonfiction book is Sexual Abuse, Shonda and Concealment in Orthodox Jewish Communities (McFarland & Co., 2014); his first collection of poetry, Surfaces, was published by The High Window in 2019. A memoir of his discovery of Orthodox Judaism as an adult – Turning Back: The Personal Journey of a “Born-Again” Jew – was published in September 2020 by Lincoln Square Books.