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A Visit by the German Thought Police

CJ Hopkins

Three armed Berlin police officers arrived at my door this morning with a warrant to search my apartment. They...

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World War III and Other Simulacra

CJ Hopkins

And so the global-capitalist empire’s destabilization and restructuring of the Middle East continues. Yes, I’m referring to Israel’s “preemptive...

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Crypto-Fascism, Inc.

CJ Hopkins

I miss the old-school neo-Nazis. You know, the skinheads with the swastika tattoos and the big Nazi flags on...

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The Godzilla Window

CJ Hopkins

Has America been made great again enough for you yet? Personally, I don’t know how much more greatness I...

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The Enemy of My Enemy

CJ Hopkins

One of the most effective thought-terminating clichés is “the enemy of my enemy is my friend.” It is particularly...

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The War on Whatever

CJ Hopkins

The War on Whatever is not meant to be won. It is meant to be continuous, which it is....

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The Speech Police

CJ Hopkins

OK, this one is for all the professional “sensitivity editors” out there, and for the US Department of Homeland...

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This is Not a Test

CJ Hopkins

Do not adjust your telescreen. This is not a test. It’s a state of emergency! A full-blown national state...

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Heil to the Chief

CJ Hopkins

Guess what time it is, boys and girls. Did you guess it? I’m pretty sure you did. That’s right,...

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The Year of the Zealot

CJ Hopkins

It was the best of years, it was the worst of years, it was a year of brilliance, it...

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A Tale of Two PSYOPS

CJ Hopkins

Once upon a time, on a planet called Earth, there was born a global-capitalist empire. It was the first...

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The Revenge of Trumpenstein

CJ Hopkins

So, it’s déjà vu all over again. That’s right, he’s back! Trumpenstein the Monster! Literal Russian-Agent Hitler! The Ayatollah...

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Fear and Loathing in New Normal Germany

CJ Hopkins

The first rule of New Normal Germany is, you do not compare New Normal Germany to Nazi Germany. If...

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Guilty!

CJ Hopkins

So, the Berlin Appellate Court overturned my acquittal today. I am now, officially, at least according to the New...

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The Hate-Crime Commissar of New Normal Berlin

CJ Hopkins

The column you are about to read is a “hate crime.” Or, rather, an alleged “hate crime,” as I...

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The New Normal Right

CJ Hopkins

OK, this will be one of my non-satirical essays … or mostly non-satirical essays. It will serve as a...

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The People’s Court of New Normal Germany – Part Two

CJ Hopkins

So, my second trial for alleged thoughtcrime-tweeting is going ahead as planned on August 15 in Berlin Superior Court...

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The People’s Court of New Normal Germany

CJ Hopkins

Just when I thought things could not possibly get more shockingly totalitarian in New Normal Germany, where I’m being...

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The Civil War Simulation

CJ Hopkins

It has been slouching toward Bethlehem for the last eight years. The gyre has been widening, the falcon turning...

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That’s All Folks (Redux)

CJ Hopkins

Well, what do you know, it looks like we’ve got another “CRISIS OF DEMOCRACY” on our hands. Yes, that’s...

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